Life. At times it is a self-violating act.
I partake not nearly as abundantly as I would like to, be it not for lack of trying.
Too often it feels like I am living in a split reality; the external and internal worlds co-exist. Both so noisy, both so full of justified needs, but ones screams are amplified with a much greater intensity.
I have my strengths, I have my priorities, they fuel me for different reasons.
I have less opportunities now, but I map them strategically, intrinsically, so I can afford myself those small moments. Moments where my energy is directed towards frivolous things, things of deep value.
Acts engaged upon just for the simple act of fun can be of a cost too great, and I sit here broke.
I guess my shape of fun exists differently now.