The fatigue is often other worldly, off the spectrum of tiredness it doesn’t require doing things, in order to perpetually exist and it isn’t cured by rest.
It aggravates other symptoms, and rubs off the platform for flexibility and resilience.
It comes without choice, and just is. There is no gtting better, there is simply management.
A mask is required.
Mostly I adopt masks of normality, so that I can show up and steer the focus, without reference to the ticking time bomb inside.
How many people would choose to spend their weekends inside, for months on end, in perfect weather.
I am traditionally awful with cabin fever, a feral nature child who would rather be outside everyday than anywhere else. But here I lay.
It takes such endurance to follow your body where your mind and body would prefer to never have to go.
Mix with this the psychology of knowing death is potentially always at your doorway. Forever practicing putting as much distance between myself and it.
Anticipate feeling shit or imprisoned by my body has incensed me to discover and build practices in mapping and navigating challenging scenarios.
I am especially grateful the capacity to laugh through the pain remains.